By: Jonathan Liew
WRAP: As Saturday creeps into Sunday, a sobering night for British boxing. Haye may have been the great hope, but Klitschko's just been doing this for too long, knows his own game far too well. Haye will replay every round of that fight for weeks, months, years, wondering what he could have done better, yearning for his time again. There will be idle talk of a rematch, but would Wladimir want it? Hasn't he already proved his point? If the rematch comes to nothing it's hard to see where Haye does go from here. His 31st birthday party could be a fairly sanguine affair.
WRAP: As Saturday creeps into Sunday, a sobering night for British boxing. Haye may have been the great hope, but Klitschko's just been doing this for too long, knows his own game far too well. Haye will replay every round of that fight for weeks, months, years, wondering what he could have done better, yearning for his time again. There will be idle talk of a rematch, but would Wladimir want it? Hasn't he already proved his point? If the rematch comes to nothing it's hard to see where Haye does go from here. His 31st birthday party could be a fairly sanguine affair. That's all from me tonight. Again, hearty apologies for the complete and utter computer disaster. In true weasel-style, I'm going to mutter something along the lines of it not being my fault, and hope to see you again for the next grotesque, over-hyped boxing mis-match. Klitschko v Harrison, anyone? Over and out, night all.
23.50 What next for Haye? "He was an absolute joke," writes Richard Evans. "Twelve rounds of shadow boxing and diving on the floor against a very average heavyweight, from a man who took several rounds to beat Audley Harrison. Haye is finished now, he has nowhere to go. No-one will pay to watch that nonsense again. I'm just glad I watched it for free on the web." Naughty. And Klitschko, too, deserves credit. He had a plan, a plan that worked, and he executed it almost flawlessly. He deserves those belts. 23.45 Klitschko it is who becomes undisputed world heavyweight champion. At least, about as undisputed as you're going to get as long he steadfastly refuses to fight Vitali. Which, if you ask me, is a bit churlish of them. Aren't brothers supposed to fight each other? I bet when they were kids they were scrapping and grappling in the Soviet gravel like nobody's business. Haye, meanwhile, loses his world title. In the post-fight interview, he blames a broken little toe for not being able to push off his right foot and land those big right hands. There's an ever-so-slight whiff of ex-post-facto excuse about it, but he does look genuinely distraught. Is that the end for him, then? He's refusing to be drawn.
23.40 Well, as you might have gathered, we've had a few technical problems towards the end of the fight there. In fact, more of a complete technical collapse. Deepest apologies to each and every one of you. But the long and the short of it is that Klitschko was given the fight 118-108, 117-109 and 116-110, and by any objective account, Haye can have no complaints about that.
WLADIMIR KLITSCHKO WINS BY UNANIMOUS POINTS DECISION
ROUND TWELVE
Haye moves forward. He's got to. He's simply got to. And he catches Klitschko with a huge right hand! His best punch of the night, and Klitschko is rocking! The Ukrainian's holding on now as Haye tries to follow up, and Klitschko buys himself valuable seconds there. Eventually Haye frees himself, and Klitschko's definitely still feeling that. What can Haye do? He comes forward again, throws a jab, tries to throw another right hook, but Klitschko's leaning back, protecting himself. Seconds left in the round! Can Haye land another telling punch? Klitschko's trying to hold again, and as the bell goes, you have to conclude that Klitschko's done enough. Both fighters throw their arms in the air, but only Klitschko with any conviction.
ROUND ELEVEN
Right, it's now or never. The roar in Hamburg has graduated to a pregnant screech. The Germans are absolutely loving this from Klitschko. It hasn't been boring, it's been inspired. Haye just hasn't been able to counter it. He slips over again... but referee Rodriguez is giving him a count! Ridiculous. Final round to come, and Haye needs the knockout. He absolutely needs a knockout!
ROUND TEN
Apparently the commentators on HBO have been suggesting that Haye took a dive in round seven to try and get Klitschko deducted a point. We might hear a little more about that later. Haye's really looking tired now, still ducking, still dancing, but looking less and less likely. If he manages to pull this one out of the bag, it would be a stunning, stunning comeback, but he just can't find the gap at the moment. Half the round gone and Haye's barely made an attack. Is he saving up all his energy, throwing all his eggs, into one big, big punch? Klitschko with a right jab that flicks Haye on the chin. He's been very, very good indeed on that jab, and Haye really hasn't found a way of countering it. Again the pair lock arms. Klitschko again lands with a right hand! Haye takes it and immediately tries to counter with a right of his own, but misses! More superb work from Klitschko as the bell goes!
ROUND NINE
He's got to be the aggressor, Haye. He's got to come forward. But Klitschko's so good at waiting for the advance and then picking it off with the jab. That's a big one from Haye, though! Klitschko smiles, but he was gotten fair and square there. Klitschko responds with a big straight right. It didn't catch Haye cleanly, though. More left jabs from Klitschko. A minute left in the round. Again Haye drops to his knees and this time Rodriguez has a word with Haye, gesturing to him to stay on his feet. Klitschko with a wicked right cross that Haye just evades. And now Haye counters with a big right hand! Don't think it caught Klitschko more than a glancing blow there, and Haye's still lacking that big defining punch that can change the momentum of a fight. Klitschko comes over the top as the round ends, but Haye just about keeps him at bay. Three rounds remain. Haye's nose is looking flatter than a pancake, but he still manages to muster a smile as he retreats to his corner.
ROUND EIGHT
We're now getting to the stage where Haye really has to do something to shift the momentum of this fight. Klitschko's going to be quite content to keep his shape, keep Haye at arm's length, keeping jabbing at the front door. But better from Haye, a good right cross keeping Klitschko honest. A left jab to the body, and then another. Both fighters puffing now, as Haye slips over again. Klitschko throws his gloves up as if to say "Moi?" Referee Rodrigues just waves at them to continue. Haye moves in again, but again he can't lay a glove on Klitschko as the Ukrainian gets his head well out of the way and scampers out of range. The rounds are slipping away for Haye now, and a damning stat: Haye has landed just 27 punches to Klitschko's 61. We're moving into knock-down territory for Haye. He is not going to get a decision, surely.
ROUND SEVEN
Jim Watt on Sky has given every round to Klitschko so far. You could argue that Haye's deserved one or two, but certainly no more than that. Klitschko lands another, and the crowd roars and then boos as Haye is wrenched over again. And the referee's docked Klitschko a point! I imagine that's for consistently throwing Haye off, but it doesn't look to have affected his focus, as he throws another good left jab. Haye's just not getting close enough. Klitschko's defence has been watertight so far. The pair trade right hands as the bell goes, and that round was a good deal harder to call with that point deduction. It's all just getting a bit messy now. Just taken a glance at my inbox, and there are several hundred emails in there, most of them with the subject heading 'SMASH BOOM' OR 'BASH BAM' or some other variant. Sorry I can't print all of them. Or, in fact, any of them.
ROUND SIX
This is the round in which Haye predicted he'd knock Klitschko out. But not much sign of it from the early seconds, as Klitschko's now moving in and forcing Haye to back off him. Haye's going to have to impose himself on the fight again, as the last couple of minutes have been all Klitschko. Haye does well to duck under a fierce left hook, but he's going to have to keep ducking, as he's having trouble getting past those huge, telescopic arms and within hitting range. Again Haye tumbles. More boos. Klitschko's left cheek is looking a bit scuzzy, while Haye's nose is now swelling up quite a bit. Half a minute left, no telling blows this round yet... Haye dodges a left hand, throws a right hook, misses. That's the bell. Probably just about Klitschko's round again. We're at the halfway point, and a few occasional flourishes aside, Haye's struggled to make a consistent impact. Does he now adjust the gameplan? Or does he try and hang in there and keep looking for the opening?
ROUND FIVE
Haye really bounded back to his corner at the end of that round. He's so, so up for this. But Klitschko's sticking to his gameplan, by and large. The pace so far has been absolutely furious. But Klitschko's now on the hunt. He's definitely going after Haye a bit more in this round. Both miss with right hands, and they end up in a clinch. If anything, Haye looks a little fresher at this stage, with a minute left in the round. But Klitschko absolutely creams a right hand straight into the mouth of Haye, and Haye could so easily have been finished there! That was the biggest punch of the fight so far, but Haye's nose is bleeding! That's the bell, and that's Klitschko's round. Haye did so well to stay on his feet there, but he really was cut open. His corner will now have a bit of work to do.
ROUND FOUR
Big right hand from Klitschko! Haye's head recoils slightly, but by and large he's taking these pretty well. Again, Klitschko edges Haye towards the ropes, and Haye does brilliantly to squirm away from a career-ending combination and nestle his head in Klitschko's armpit. Two more good jabs from Klitschko. Haye's still taunting his man, and there is absolutely no way of predicting what's going to happen next in this one. Forty-five seconds left in the round, and there's not much to choose between the two of them. Haye again ducks out of the way of a big left hook, and then counters, throwing a left cross and forcing Klitschko to retreat! Haye lands another right hand right on the bell, and will that have swayed the judges at the last minute? Stats: Haye's thrown more punches than Klitschko, but landed fewer.
ROUND THREE
If Haye didn't know he was in the toughest fight of his career, he knows now. Klitschko may not have Haye's speed, but he's still no slouch, and manages to sneak another left jab through Haye's defences. But Haye lands with a right hand! Roars from the British contingent! That's really settled Haye down, and he's moving a lot more confidently now. Haye throws another left and misses. Klitschko responds with another metronomic left jab. A minute left in the round. Is Klitschko's nose swelling up? Haye smacks Klitschko with a ferocious combination? That took Klitschko full on the side of the face, and Haye's really getting into this now! But Klitschko responds well, pinning Haye up against the ropes with a barrage. Haye steadies himself, smiles, taunts Klitschko. Another slip, and Haye's down again, to boos from the crowd. The bell goes, and this is spicing up brilliantly. Haye's round, I reckon.
ROUND TWO
Another left jab from Klitschko, and then a good straight right. Ferocious noise. Haye moves forward, leading with the right this time, but Klitschko spots that and backpedals out of range. Halfway through the round and we hit a bit of a stalemate. Klitschko lands with another right hand. Haye's not really managed to get much purchase so far, and he's tending to overbalance slightly when he comes forward. But he lands there with a left hand, his first really telling blow of the contest. But Haye's dancing all over the place, and not exactly in a controllled fashion either. Klitschko with another left jab, but Haye takes it well. As the bell rings Klitschko takes two steps forward, landing another combination just below Haye's left ear, and that round's definitely Klitschko's.
ROUND ONE
Haye and Klitschko circle each other, feeling each other out. Half a minute passes with barely a touch of gloves. Come on, lads, is this a contact sport or what? Haye doing a lot more of the moving, a lot more of the weaving. A minute passes. Suddenly Haye moves in, and he's down! But it was a slip! Referee Rodriguez crosses his arms to indicate no KO. Haye moves in again, half-landing a left cross. And now a decent left straight from Haye. Klitschko works a left jab that might just have connected. It's the Ukrainian, as expected, who's the more compact of the two at the moment. Haye's being refreshingly aggressive here, trying to throw flying left hooks and then ducking for cover, but as the bell rings, he's not really landed anything telling. Not much in that first round, but I'd just about give it to Klitschko.
22.26 The pair punch gloves. Haye bouncing up and down like a rabid Minogue sister. Bell ring. Go, go, go!
22.25 The crowd is just about on the very brink of rapture now. Four walls of ferocious noise. Haye accepts a gumshield, whips off his tin foil, whips off his England shirt, gets a final smear of Vaseline on those cheeks of his. The number of people in the ring has thinned out from about 150 to a more manageable 35. Not long now...
22.24 David Haye's still got his tin foil and his beanie on. Somebody's going to have to have a word with him about that.
22.22 The three judges are from America, South Africa and America. The referee is Howard Webb. Nah, it's Geno Rodriguez. Now, finally, the words we've all been literally quite keen on hearing: "LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLE!"
22.21 We are minutes away.
22.20 The Ukrainian national anthem is hilarious! It sounds like the Ricoh advert, sung by the albino monk from The Da Vinci Code! That wouldn't inspire me to repel an invading army. It would barely inspire me to close a window.
22.19 National anthems. Haye has wrapped himself in human-sized tin foil to keep warm. "Why does a 'soon-to-be world champion' boxer need bodyguards?" asks Gemma Knighton. "Surely he could just knock any troublemakers out?"
22.18 Klitschko's striding towards the ring with a great deal more purpose. A few over-exuberant folks tried to grapple with Haye as he walked by, which partially explains that, but Klitschko's got a stone-cold look in his eyes, like he's just seen the future, and it's rubbish.
22.16 Klitschko, dressed in what looks suspiciously like red ermine, keeps us waiting for less than a minute. He walks out to 'Can't Stop' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, which will at least endear him to 15-year-old girls with red streaks in their hair the world over.
22.15 More emails as Klitschko trash-talks Haye in German. "I cannot remember the last time all my friends wanted a British fighter to lose because of his attitude," writes Lee Richardson. "The only other time was Khan versus Barrera, but for different reasons!" From Anonymous in Dublin: "Watching Irish dancing. The pub we're in is too mean too pay for the pay-per-view." Doug Ferguson predicts a Klitschko KO in the sixth. Meanwhile, Christine Muirhead writes: "What’s Klitschko’s reaction to having to stand in the ring like a t*t in the breeze for 10 minutes?" Well, we're about to find out...
22.13 Right, it's Klitschko time. Steve Haigh speculates as to possible reasons for Haye's delay: "Maybe he was just checking all the plugs were turned off." Lmao Zedong.
22.12 He's wearing spangly Union Jack shorts. And, at the moment, a beanie hat. I suspect the latter will be shed at some stage between now and the start of the fight.
22.10 After a walk that comfortably out-distances Nelson Mandela's long amble to freedom, Haye finally makes it into the ring, flanked by bodyguards, hangers-on and very possible Karl 'Fat Neck' Power, sporting gatecrasher to the stars.
22.08 Haye finally makes his entrance, dressed in the new England away football shirt. McFadden and Whitehead's 'Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now' playing over the sound system. One of the most famous one-hit wonders, along with the Haye-Harrison fight.
22.07 Here he is! Here he is!
22.05 "Please use all your journalistic skill to document this fight accurately," writes Lachlan Macdonald. "I am reluctantly sat in a bar in the south of France with no chance of watching the fight live! At least the beer is half decent." Well at the moment, Lachlan, we're watching a large empty gap in a wall in which should be standing a world heavyweight champion.
22.04 Sky catch up with Boris Becker ringside. "It's a match-up, man against man," he says. "Like a tennis match. But we have rackets." Boris Becker. Always cuts right to the heart of the matter, doesn't he? "I respect Haye but I'm a big Klitschko fan, and I hope he does it."
22.02 "Adam, I'm not going out until they stop booing. What's that? Yes, it is something of a Catch-22 situation, isn't it?"
22.01 The boos continue. At this moment you would love David Haye to tweet something like: "Just in the dressing room. Keys, wallet, phone..."
22.00 Honestly, 10 minutes? He's had three months to prepare for this fight. What is he doing, having a fag?
21.59 "DAVID HAYEMAKER HAYE!" shouts Let's Get Ready To Rumble Man (LGRTRM). There's Haye's team, there's Lennox Lewis, but there's still no sign of Haye. Loud, loud boos in the stadium as the announcer announces that Haye is still going to be another 10 minutes...
21.57 We're now into promo video preamble. Beefeaters, red phone boxes, and the like. The word is that Haye is going to make Klitschko wait by delaying his entrance. Honestly, you wouldn't get away with that kind of thing in any other sport. Imagine Alan McManus trying to out-psych John Parrott by waiting in the dressing room for 10 minutes listening to jungle music? He'd get a heavy-ass fine from the WPSBA, that's what'd happen.
21.55 Ah, it's 'Let's Get Ready to Rumble' man. Imagine only being known for one phrase. Like Magnus Magnusson or, in the case of Henry Winkler, one elongated vowel sound.
21.54 We're hearing that Sky's phone lines are having a little trouble processing the deluge of last-minute pay-per-view orders. If you can't watch the fight - or, who knows, even if you can - promise me, this live blog will be very, very close to watching the real thing, with the proviso that no, it's not really, is it? Still, great craic.
21.47 Video Tyson introduces real-life Lennox Lewis and George Foreman. Ferocious noise as Lewis strides through the crowd. Foreman is, tragically, not carrying a tray of low-fat toasted sandwiches. And you thought he was a guy who never missed a promotional trick.
21.45 So, Haye. What do we think about him? Not as respected as Lewis, not as loved as Bruno. Not as pitied as Akinwande. Is he a genius of self-promotion or an ill-mannered hoon? Or both? I think he lost a good deal of goodwill with that Audley Harrison shambles, but pull this one out of the fire and he'll become one of the biggest sportsmen in Britain. Hang on, are we starting? The MC is in the ring and we're watching a video address from Mike Tyson. Bit early, this...
21.30 Right, we're about half an hour away from the ringwalks. What's Haye going to pull out of the bag? Is he going to abseil down from the top of the stand before backflipping into the ring Prince Naseem-style? Is he going to decapitate an actual live bear? We're soon to find out.
21.20 Lennox Lewis, one of Sky's pundits tonight is dressed - and I don't use the world lightly - like a complete idiot. Fedora, waistcoat, dreds flapping all over his torso like they're trying to escape from his head.
21.10 The consensus in the office, by the way, is that David Haye is going to get absolutely marmalised tonight. My sense is that Haye might well cause Klitschko a few problems early on, but as the fight goes on Klitschko will begin to assert his supremacy. Only twice in 25 fights, you will note, has Haye gone the distance. And once it goes to the judges - well, you can't possibly expect Haye to get a decision in Germany, can you? Only he did against Valuev...
21.00 We've already had our first result of the evening - Ola Afolabi has taken another cautious step forward with a first-round knockout of 41-year-old Irish journeyman Terry Dunstan. Quite a punch to finish it, knocking Dunstan's gum shield clean out of his mouth. That's the kind of sight that draws roars of approval from the red-blooded and winces from the rather milder-mannered. Still, though, that KO will be on his highlights reel until the day he retires. As he leaves the ring, Sky ask him who he thinks will win the big one. "Klitschko in one to seven," he replies. Of course, that reply looks a lot less surprising when you consider that his promoters are K2, which is run by...? The Klitschko brothers. Never trust a boxer to give you a prediction.
20.50 I've not been looking forward to a fight this much since Hatton v Mayweather back in 2007. It's a fight that boxing desperately needs, with the watching world fast wearying of the failure of Mayweather and Pacquiao to put their signatures on a bit of paper. Then, Hatton was clearly the underdog. Mayweather had beaten everybody there was to beat, and done it well. Klitschko, however, is neither immaculate nor untouchable in the same way that Mayweather was. He has lost - not for seven years, admittedly, but neither has he consistently faced the calibre of fighter that would give Haye a little lump in his throat. By anybody's admission, the heavyweight division has not been at its strongest in the last decade. Chagaev? Peter? Ibragimov? Rahman? Fine. But he lacks a defining line on his CV. Beating Haye convincingly tonight could provide him with it.
So what can Haye cling on to? He is, without a doubt, quicker than Klitschko. It's what's allowed him to thrive in the heavyweight division since moving up from cruiserweight, despite lacking the height and bulk of the very biggest. But for all his mouth, he's a smart ring operator too, painstakingly crafting a plan and then sticking to it. Remember how he told everyone he was going to set about 7ft Nikolai Valuev? He didn't. Instead, he ducked, he dodged, he twinkled, he frustrated. And every so often, he got a punch away. In the end, it proved enough.
It's a fair bet we might see something similar from him tonight.
20.40 First. Things. First. It's wet out there. Very, very wet. It's been raining all day in Hamburg, and there's little chance of it drying out before the fight starts. Kevin Garside updates us from Hamburg: "Not a night for the posh seats. There's gonna be a lot of wet Prada down there. Look out for high-heeled wellies. Rain spotting on my screen now and I'm under the roof. I'm told the fight will definitely go ahead though it's coming down harder now."
20.30 [Hums theme tune to Rocky] Hello, everyone. It's fight night! It's the streets of south London against the steppes of the Soviet Union. Quick feet and clunking fists. Haye versus Klitschko. Fetch the popcorn.
We're expecting the fight to start at about 10pm, which means that some hours after that David Haye and Wladimir Klitschko will enter the Imtech Arena in Hamburg and settle the fate of four heavyweight belts, as well as the Ring magazine world championship. Plenty of hype, plenty of trash talking, plenty of needle, but as Kevin Garside so eloquently explains, that was all just salesmanship. Now they've got to get on the dancefloor and pull some moves.
Plenty of boxing greats have had their say: Tyson and Lewis go for Klitschko; McGuigan and Hopkins go for Haye. What about you? Drop us an email at the above address and let us know how you reckon the evening's going to pan out.
Tale of the tape
Wladimir Klitschko
Born: Semipalantinsk, Kazakhstan
Hometown: Kiev, Ukraine
Ring name: Dr Steelhammer
Age: 35
Titles: IBF, IBO and IBO heavyweight champion
Record: 55 wins (49 Knockouts), 3 losses
Stance: Orthodox
Height: 6ft 7in
Weight: 17st 4lb 8oz
Reach: 81in
Neck: 19in
Chest: 48in
Waist: 34in
Biceps: 18in
Fist: 12½in
David Haye
Born: Bermondsey, south London
Hometown: Bermondsey
Ring name: Hayemaker
Age: 30
Titles: WBA heavyweight champion; formerly European and WBC, WBA and WBO world cruiserweight champion
Record: 25 wins (23 KOs) 1 loss
Stance: Orthodox
Height: 6ft 3in
Weight: 15st 2lb 12oz
Reach: 78in
Neck: 19in
Chest: 44in
Waist: 34in
Biceps: 17in
Fist: 11in
Source: The Telegraph
ROUND TWELVE
Haye moves forward. He's got to. He's simply got to. And he catches Klitschko with a huge right hand! His best punch of the night, and Klitschko is rocking! The Ukrainian's holding on now as Haye tries to follow up, and Klitschko buys himself valuable seconds there. Eventually Haye frees himself, and Klitschko's definitely still feeling that. What can Haye do? He comes forward again, throws a jab, tries to throw another right hook, but Klitschko's leaning back, protecting himself. Seconds left in the round! Can Haye land another telling punch? Klitschko's trying to hold again, and as the bell goes, you have to conclude that Klitschko's done enough. Both fighters throw their arms in the air, but only Klitschko with any conviction.
ROUND ELEVEN
Right, it's now or never. The roar in Hamburg has graduated to a pregnant screech. The Germans are absolutely loving this from Klitschko. It hasn't been boring, it's been inspired. Haye just hasn't been able to counter it. He slips over again... but referee Rodriguez is giving him a count! Ridiculous. Final round to come, and Haye needs the knockout. He absolutely needs a knockout!
ROUND TEN
Apparently the commentators on HBO have been suggesting that Haye took a dive in round seven to try and get Klitschko deducted a point. We might hear a little more about that later. Haye's really looking tired now, still ducking, still dancing, but looking less and less likely. If he manages to pull this one out of the bag, it would be a stunning, stunning comeback, but he just can't find the gap at the moment. Half the round gone and Haye's barely made an attack. Is he saving up all his energy, throwing all his eggs, into one big, big punch? Klitschko with a right jab that flicks Haye on the chin. He's been very, very good indeed on that jab, and Haye really hasn't found a way of countering it. Again the pair lock arms. Klitschko again lands with a right hand! Haye takes it and immediately tries to counter with a right of his own, but misses! More superb work from Klitschko as the bell goes!
ROUND NINE
He's got to be the aggressor, Haye. He's got to come forward. But Klitschko's so good at waiting for the advance and then picking it off with the jab. That's a big one from Haye, though! Klitschko smiles, but he was gotten fair and square there. Klitschko responds with a big straight right. It didn't catch Haye cleanly, though. More left jabs from Klitschko. A minute left in the round. Again Haye drops to his knees and this time Rodriguez has a word with Haye, gesturing to him to stay on his feet. Klitschko with a wicked right cross that Haye just evades. And now Haye counters with a big right hand! Don't think it caught Klitschko more than a glancing blow there, and Haye's still lacking that big defining punch that can change the momentum of a fight. Klitschko comes over the top as the round ends, but Haye just about keeps him at bay. Three rounds remain. Haye's nose is looking flatter than a pancake, but he still manages to muster a smile as he retreats to his corner.
ROUND EIGHT
We're now getting to the stage where Haye really has to do something to shift the momentum of this fight. Klitschko's going to be quite content to keep his shape, keep Haye at arm's length, keeping jabbing at the front door. But better from Haye, a good right cross keeping Klitschko honest. A left jab to the body, and then another. Both fighters puffing now, as Haye slips over again. Klitschko throws his gloves up as if to say "Moi?" Referee Rodrigues just waves at them to continue. Haye moves in again, but again he can't lay a glove on Klitschko as the Ukrainian gets his head well out of the way and scampers out of range. The rounds are slipping away for Haye now, and a damning stat: Haye has landed just 27 punches to Klitschko's 61. We're moving into knock-down territory for Haye. He is not going to get a decision, surely.
ROUND SEVEN
Jim Watt on Sky has given every round to Klitschko so far. You could argue that Haye's deserved one or two, but certainly no more than that. Klitschko lands another, and the crowd roars and then boos as Haye is wrenched over again. And the referee's docked Klitschko a point! I imagine that's for consistently throwing Haye off, but it doesn't look to have affected his focus, as he throws another good left jab. Haye's just not getting close enough. Klitschko's defence has been watertight so far. The pair trade right hands as the bell goes, and that round was a good deal harder to call with that point deduction. It's all just getting a bit messy now. Just taken a glance at my inbox, and there are several hundred emails in there, most of them with the subject heading 'SMASH BOOM' OR 'BASH BAM' or some other variant. Sorry I can't print all of them. Or, in fact, any of them.
ROUND SIX
This is the round in which Haye predicted he'd knock Klitschko out. But not much sign of it from the early seconds, as Klitschko's now moving in and forcing Haye to back off him. Haye's going to have to impose himself on the fight again, as the last couple of minutes have been all Klitschko. Haye does well to duck under a fierce left hook, but he's going to have to keep ducking, as he's having trouble getting past those huge, telescopic arms and within hitting range. Again Haye tumbles. More boos. Klitschko's left cheek is looking a bit scuzzy, while Haye's nose is now swelling up quite a bit. Half a minute left, no telling blows this round yet... Haye dodges a left hand, throws a right hook, misses. That's the bell. Probably just about Klitschko's round again. We're at the halfway point, and a few occasional flourishes aside, Haye's struggled to make a consistent impact. Does he now adjust the gameplan? Or does he try and hang in there and keep looking for the opening?
ROUND FIVE
Haye really bounded back to his corner at the end of that round. He's so, so up for this. But Klitschko's sticking to his gameplan, by and large. The pace so far has been absolutely furious. But Klitschko's now on the hunt. He's definitely going after Haye a bit more in this round. Both miss with right hands, and they end up in a clinch. If anything, Haye looks a little fresher at this stage, with a minute left in the round. But Klitschko absolutely creams a right hand straight into the mouth of Haye, and Haye could so easily have been finished there! That was the biggest punch of the fight so far, but Haye's nose is bleeding! That's the bell, and that's Klitschko's round. Haye did so well to stay on his feet there, but he really was cut open. His corner will now have a bit of work to do.
ROUND FOUR
Big right hand from Klitschko! Haye's head recoils slightly, but by and large he's taking these pretty well. Again, Klitschko edges Haye towards the ropes, and Haye does brilliantly to squirm away from a career-ending combination and nestle his head in Klitschko's armpit. Two more good jabs from Klitschko. Haye's still taunting his man, and there is absolutely no way of predicting what's going to happen next in this one. Forty-five seconds left in the round, and there's not much to choose between the two of them. Haye again ducks out of the way of a big left hook, and then counters, throwing a left cross and forcing Klitschko to retreat! Haye lands another right hand right on the bell, and will that have swayed the judges at the last minute? Stats: Haye's thrown more punches than Klitschko, but landed fewer.
ROUND THREE
If Haye didn't know he was in the toughest fight of his career, he knows now. Klitschko may not have Haye's speed, but he's still no slouch, and manages to sneak another left jab through Haye's defences. But Haye lands with a right hand! Roars from the British contingent! That's really settled Haye down, and he's moving a lot more confidently now. Haye throws another left and misses. Klitschko responds with another metronomic left jab. A minute left in the round. Is Klitschko's nose swelling up? Haye smacks Klitschko with a ferocious combination? That took Klitschko full on the side of the face, and Haye's really getting into this now! But Klitschko responds well, pinning Haye up against the ropes with a barrage. Haye steadies himself, smiles, taunts Klitschko. Another slip, and Haye's down again, to boos from the crowd. The bell goes, and this is spicing up brilliantly. Haye's round, I reckon.
ROUND TWO
Another left jab from Klitschko, and then a good straight right. Ferocious noise. Haye moves forward, leading with the right this time, but Klitschko spots that and backpedals out of range. Halfway through the round and we hit a bit of a stalemate. Klitschko lands with another right hand. Haye's not really managed to get much purchase so far, and he's tending to overbalance slightly when he comes forward. But he lands there with a left hand, his first really telling blow of the contest. But Haye's dancing all over the place, and not exactly in a controllled fashion either. Klitschko with another left jab, but Haye takes it well. As the bell rings Klitschko takes two steps forward, landing another combination just below Haye's left ear, and that round's definitely Klitschko's.
ROUND ONE
Haye and Klitschko circle each other, feeling each other out. Half a minute passes with barely a touch of gloves. Come on, lads, is this a contact sport or what? Haye doing a lot more of the moving, a lot more of the weaving. A minute passes. Suddenly Haye moves in, and he's down! But it was a slip! Referee Rodriguez crosses his arms to indicate no KO. Haye moves in again, half-landing a left cross. And now a decent left straight from Haye. Klitschko works a left jab that might just have connected. It's the Ukrainian, as expected, who's the more compact of the two at the moment. Haye's being refreshingly aggressive here, trying to throw flying left hooks and then ducking for cover, but as the bell rings, he's not really landed anything telling. Not much in that first round, but I'd just about give it to Klitschko.
22.26 The pair punch gloves. Haye bouncing up and down like a rabid Minogue sister. Bell ring. Go, go, go!
22.25 The crowd is just about on the very brink of rapture now. Four walls of ferocious noise. Haye accepts a gumshield, whips off his tin foil, whips off his England shirt, gets a final smear of Vaseline on those cheeks of his. The number of people in the ring has thinned out from about 150 to a more manageable 35. Not long now...
22.24 David Haye's still got his tin foil and his beanie on. Somebody's going to have to have a word with him about that.
22.22 The three judges are from America, South Africa and America. The referee is Howard Webb. Nah, it's Geno Rodriguez. Now, finally, the words we've all been literally quite keen on hearing: "LET'S GET READY TO RUMMMMMBLE!"
22.21 We are minutes away.
22.20 The Ukrainian national anthem is hilarious! It sounds like the Ricoh advert, sung by the albino monk from The Da Vinci Code! That wouldn't inspire me to repel an invading army. It would barely inspire me to close a window.
22.19 National anthems. Haye has wrapped himself in human-sized tin foil to keep warm. "Why does a 'soon-to-be world champion' boxer need bodyguards?" asks Gemma Knighton. "Surely he could just knock any troublemakers out?" 22.18 Klitschko's striding towards the ring with a great deal more purpose. A few over-exuberant folks tried to grapple with Haye as he walked by, which partially explains that, but Klitschko's got a stone-cold look in his eyes, like he's just seen the future, and it's rubbish.
22.16 Klitschko, dressed in what looks suspiciously like red ermine, keeps us waiting for less than a minute. He walks out to 'Can't Stop' by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, which will at least endear him to 15-year-old girls with red streaks in their hair the world over.
22.15 More emails as Klitschko trash-talks Haye in German. "I cannot remember the last time all my friends wanted a British fighter to lose because of his attitude," writes Lee Richardson. "The only other time was Khan versus Barrera, but for different reasons!" From Anonymous in Dublin: "Watching Irish dancing. The pub we're in is too mean too pay for the pay-per-view." Doug Ferguson predicts a Klitschko KO in the sixth. Meanwhile, Christine Muirhead writes: "What’s Klitschko’s reaction to having to stand in the ring like a t*t in the breeze for 10 minutes?" Well, we're about to find out... 22.13 Right, it's Klitschko time. Steve Haigh speculates as to possible reasons for Haye's delay: "Maybe he was just checking all the plugs were turned off." Lmao Zedong. 22.12 He's wearing spangly Union Jack shorts. And, at the moment, a beanie hat. I suspect the latter will be shed at some stage between now and the start of the fight.
22.10 After a walk that comfortably out-distances Nelson Mandela's long amble to freedom, Haye finally makes it into the ring, flanked by bodyguards, hangers-on and very possible Karl 'Fat Neck' Power, sporting gatecrasher to the stars.
22.08 Haye finally makes his entrance, dressed in the new England away football shirt. McFadden and Whitehead's 'Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now' playing over the sound system. One of the most famous one-hit wonders, along with the Haye-Harrison fight.
22.07 Here he is! Here he is!
22.05 "Please use all your journalistic skill to document this fight accurately," writes Lachlan Macdonald. "I am reluctantly sat in a bar in the south of France with no chance of watching the fight live! At least the beer is half decent." Well at the moment, Lachlan, we're watching a large empty gap in a wall in which should be standing a world heavyweight champion. 22.04 Sky catch up with Boris Becker ringside. "It's a match-up, man against man," he says. "Like a tennis match. But we have rackets." Boris Becker. Always cuts right to the heart of the matter, doesn't he? "I respect Haye but I'm a big Klitschko fan, and I hope he does it."
22.02 "Adam, I'm not going out until they stop booing. What's that? Yes, it is something of a Catch-22 situation, isn't it?"
22.01 The boos continue. At this moment you would love David Haye to tweet something like: "Just in the dressing room. Keys, wallet, phone..."
22.00 Honestly, 10 minutes? He's had three months to prepare for this fight. What is he doing, having a fag?
21.59 "DAVID HAYEMAKER HAYE!" shouts Let's Get Ready To Rumble Man (LGRTRM). There's Haye's team, there's Lennox Lewis, but there's still no sign of Haye. Loud, loud boos in the stadium as the announcer announces that Haye is still going to be another 10 minutes...
21.57 We're now into promo video preamble. Beefeaters, red phone boxes, and the like. The word is that Haye is going to make Klitschko wait by delaying his entrance. Honestly, you wouldn't get away with that kind of thing in any other sport. Imagine Alan McManus trying to out-psych John Parrott by waiting in the dressing room for 10 minutes listening to jungle music? He'd get a heavy-ass fine from the WPSBA, that's what'd happen.
21.55 Ah, it's 'Let's Get Ready to Rumble' man. Imagine only being known for one phrase. Like Magnus Magnusson or, in the case of Henry Winkler, one elongated vowel sound.
21.54 We're hearing that Sky's phone lines are having a little trouble processing the deluge of last-minute pay-per-view orders. If you can't watch the fight - or, who knows, even if you can - promise me, this live blog will be very, very close to watching the real thing, with the proviso that no, it's not really, is it? Still, great craic.
21.47 Video Tyson introduces real-life Lennox Lewis and George Foreman. Ferocious noise as Lewis strides through the crowd. Foreman is, tragically, not carrying a tray of low-fat toasted sandwiches. And you thought he was a guy who never missed a promotional trick.
21.45 So, Haye. What do we think about him? Not as respected as Lewis, not as loved as Bruno. Not as pitied as Akinwande. Is he a genius of self-promotion or an ill-mannered hoon? Or both? I think he lost a good deal of goodwill with that Audley Harrison shambles, but pull this one out of the fire and he'll become one of the biggest sportsmen in Britain. Hang on, are we starting? The MC is in the ring and we're watching a video address from Mike Tyson. Bit early, this...
21.30 Right, we're about half an hour away from the ringwalks. What's Haye going to pull out of the bag? Is he going to abseil down from the top of the stand before backflipping into the ring Prince Naseem-style? Is he going to decapitate an actual live bear? We're soon to find out.
21.20 Lennox Lewis, one of Sky's pundits tonight is dressed - and I don't use the world lightly - like a complete idiot. Fedora, waistcoat, dreds flapping all over his torso like they're trying to escape from his head.
21.10 The consensus in the office, by the way, is that David Haye is going to get absolutely marmalised tonight. My sense is that Haye might well cause Klitschko a few problems early on, but as the fight goes on Klitschko will begin to assert his supremacy. Only twice in 25 fights, you will note, has Haye gone the distance. And once it goes to the judges - well, you can't possibly expect Haye to get a decision in Germany, can you? Only he did against Valuev...
21.00 We've already had our first result of the evening - Ola Afolabi has taken another cautious step forward with a first-round knockout of 41-year-old Irish journeyman Terry Dunstan. Quite a punch to finish it, knocking Dunstan's gum shield clean out of his mouth. That's the kind of sight that draws roars of approval from the red-blooded and winces from the rather milder-mannered. Still, though, that KO will be on his highlights reel until the day he retires. As he leaves the ring, Sky ask him who he thinks will win the big one. "Klitschko in one to seven," he replies. Of course, that reply looks a lot less surprising when you consider that his promoters are K2, which is run by...? The Klitschko brothers. Never trust a boxer to give you a prediction.
20.50 I've not been looking forward to a fight this much since Hatton v Mayweather back in 2007. It's a fight that boxing desperately needs, with the watching world fast wearying of the failure of Mayweather and Pacquiao to put their signatures on a bit of paper. Then, Hatton was clearly the underdog. Mayweather had beaten everybody there was to beat, and done it well. Klitschko, however, is neither immaculate nor untouchable in the same way that Mayweather was. He has lost - not for seven years, admittedly, but neither has he consistently faced the calibre of fighter that would give Haye a little lump in his throat. By anybody's admission, the heavyweight division has not been at its strongest in the last decade. Chagaev? Peter? Ibragimov? Rahman? Fine. But he lacks a defining line on his CV. Beating Haye convincingly tonight could provide him with it.
So what can Haye cling on to? He is, without a doubt, quicker than Klitschko. It's what's allowed him to thrive in the heavyweight division since moving up from cruiserweight, despite lacking the height and bulk of the very biggest. But for all his mouth, he's a smart ring operator too, painstakingly crafting a plan and then sticking to it. Remember how he told everyone he was going to set about 7ft Nikolai Valuev? He didn't. Instead, he ducked, he dodged, he twinkled, he frustrated. And every so often, he got a punch away. In the end, it proved enough.
It's a fair bet we might see something similar from him tonight.
20.40 First. Things. First. It's wet out there. Very, very wet. It's been raining all day in Hamburg, and there's little chance of it drying out before the fight starts. Kevin Garside updates us from Hamburg: "Not a night for the posh seats. There's gonna be a lot of wet Prada down there. Look out for high-heeled wellies. Rain spotting on my screen now and I'm under the roof. I'm told the fight will definitely go ahead though it's coming down harder now."
20.30 [Hums theme tune to Rocky] Hello, everyone. It's fight night! It's the streets of south London against the steppes of the Soviet Union. Quick feet and clunking fists. Haye versus Klitschko. Fetch the popcorn.
We're expecting the fight to start at about 10pm, which means that some hours after that David Haye and Wladimir Klitschko will enter the Imtech Arena in Hamburg and settle the fate of four heavyweight belts, as well as the Ring magazine world championship. Plenty of hype, plenty of trash talking, plenty of needle, but as Kevin Garside so eloquently explains, that was all just salesmanship. Now they've got to get on the dancefloor and pull some moves.
Plenty of boxing greats have had their say: Tyson and Lewis go for Klitschko; McGuigan and Hopkins go for Haye. What about you? Drop us an email at the above address and let us know how you reckon the evening's going to pan out.
Tale of the tape
Wladimir Klitschko
Born: Semipalantinsk, Kazakhstan
Hometown: Kiev, Ukraine
Ring name: Dr Steelhammer
Age: 35
Titles: IBF, IBO and IBO heavyweight champion
Record: 55 wins (49 Knockouts), 3 losses
Stance: Orthodox
Height: 6ft 7in
Weight: 17st 4lb 8oz
Reach: 81in
Neck: 19in
Chest: 48in
Waist: 34in
Biceps: 18in
Fist: 12½in
David Haye
Born: Bermondsey, south London
Hometown: Bermondsey
Ring name: Hayemaker
Age: 30
Titles: WBA heavyweight champion; formerly European and WBC, WBA and WBO world cruiserweight champion
Record: 25 wins (23 KOs) 1 loss
Stance: Orthodox
Height: 6ft 3in
Weight: 15st 2lb 12oz
Reach: 78in
Neck: 19in
Chest: 44in
Waist: 34in
Biceps: 17in
Fist: 11in
Source: The Telegraph